Only Fools Fall In Love
by NotJaneAustin
Summary: AH/ AU. Lots of fun will be had along the way as Edward and Bella attempt to forge a relationship built on misunderstandings and definately lots of humour.
1. Clair de Lune Rocks!

**Only Fools Fall in Love**

**Chapter I **

**Claire de Lune Rocks! **

**BPOV **

The sun was beating down on my back, the heat penetrating through my t-shirt making me uncomfortably hot. I sat up, laying my book to one side; I brought my knees up to my face and rested my chin against them.

I inspected the other visitors to the park. Most were lying around on brightly covered blankets enjoying the weather. The sun hardly ever made an appearance in Forks and when it did, its inhabitants certainly made the most of it. Everyone knew that it wouldn't last long.

So, why I was here? Well, it's a pretty long story which essentially revolves around my love for Edward Cullen.

'Who is Edward Cullen? I hear you ask?

I'll tell you!

Edward Cullen is the object of my desire(s). He is perfect in every single way! From his 'just got out of bed' messy bronze hair to his strong jaw line, his luscious lips, perfect teeth and his dazzling emerald eyes which are framed by the longest eyelashes you have ever seen. When he talks his voice makes you weak at the knees and when he walks his muscles ripple subtly under his impeccable taste in designer clothes.

Unfortunately, my love is not reciprocated mainly due to the fact that he doesn't even know I exist.

So, my best friend and confidante Alice and I have cooked up a plan which would firstly ensure that Edward Cullen knew who I was. From there, I was assured, Edward would fall in love with me, and we would get married, have babies and live happily ever after.

Anyway, Alice had spent hours doing her homework which would ensure that our plan would work. She had flirted (outrageously if you ask for my opinion) with Edward's friend Jasper and had managed to find out all of Edward's interests, his hobbies, his preferences in music, food even toothpaste. Oh, and every Sunday afternoon at noon he would meet his friends at the local park for a game of soccer. Today was no different, except that Edward's friends were not going to show up on time this particular afternoon. Alice would see to that!

Most importantly, she had ascertained his taste in woman. Tall, slim, preferably brunette, non smoker and of course most importantly Edward's ideal woman had to be a thinker. An intellectual!

I am quite tall, 5"6 to be precise, I'm a natural brunette and I do not smoke, although I admit I once tried but it made me sick. I'm average looking although Alice has informed me on more than one occasion that if I made more of an effort I could be _'stunning'? _

As for intelligence, well, I'm not the class idiot by any means but I'm hardly Harvard material either. I know lots about the things that interest me like cars, rock music (Avenged Sevenfold, I am not worthy) and movies but less about the things that hold no interest for me such as books and classical music but then isn't that true about everyone?

I'm a clumsy klutz too! I can trip over thin air spectacularly and have done so on several thousand cringe worthy occasions. I talk too fast and have a habit of not actually thinking about what I am going to say before I say it.

So, part of the plan was to give Edward the impression that I wasn't (as my father often described me)_ a sandwich short of a picnic' _and in fact I was a sophisticated woman of the world who was well read, had good taste in music and with whom Edward could engage in conversation about world affairs and other high brow topics.

Alice was confident that the plan was robust as long as I followed it to the letter.

All I had to do was make sure I followed the simple 3 phased plan of action.

Easy!

Just then, my cell phone began to vibrate. I fished it out of my jean pocket.

"_Hello." _I answered. The gravity of what I was about to do hadn't hit me yet, so I was in quite a jovial mood.

"_Bella, its Alice." _She trilled. _"Over."_

"_Over what? " _I enquired uncertainly.

"_You say over when you finish a sentence silly. " _She replied her tone insinuating that I should have really known this. "_Over."_

I was a little perplexed _"Why would you say over when we finish a sentence? "_

"_They just do." _She stated tersely. _"Over."_

"_Who does? " _I was still unsure as to what she was talking about.

"_Spies, secret agents, members of the armed forces." _I could tell she was getting a little exasperated with my ignorance of espionage etiquette. _"Over."_

"_Oh okay Alice. " _I acknowledged. _"Over."_

Alice let out a sigh. "_Good! Now are you in place? _She demanded.

_You forgot to say over." _I was getting the hang of this now. _"Over"._

"_Good God Bella." _She screeched. _"Just follow the plan. Rodger! " _

That threw me.

"_Who's Rodger? " _I enquired.

"_You say Rodger to acknowledge that you've understood. I haven't got the time to explain. Listen up, I can only stall Jasper and his friend for a while Bella. Do you understand? We only have a twenty minute window." _She barked.

"_Oh okay. Over. Rodger!" _She was beginning to make me feel nervous now and the reference to windows was making me even more confused.

"_Bella! _She shrieked. _"GO !GO! GO!"_

I was just about to ask her where I was going when I realised that this meant that now was the time to put Operation Cullen' into action.

Operation Cullen was live!

**Phase 1. Grab his attention! **

Up until this point, my nerves had been in check but they were now starting to get the better of me.

Please don't throw up! Please don't throw up!

Don't panic! Breathe! Stick to the plan!

I pressed play on my iPod, popped my ear buds in and picked my book up flicking to the page that I wanted. I could see Edward making his way along the trail that snaked through the park towards me (well actually towards the rendezvous point he had arranged with Jasper and Emmett which I was coincidently now at). He stopped barely five feet away from where I was sat.

Alice had told me that Edward was really into opera and classical music and that he would really be impressed if I was acquainted with it too.

However, the only opera I knew was the track _'Time to say goodbye' _from my favourite film 'Wanted'.

Ooh, James McAvoy!

Those baby blue eyes, his freckles, the smile, his body…

How easily I was distracted!

Anyway, I had downloaded the Andrea Bocelli and Sarah Brightman version.

"Time to say goodbye, la la la la la la la." I crooned. I had practiced in the shower and even if I did say so I, my soprano wasn't half bad!

Surely, that was loud enough for him to notice me.

I sat there for a few moments and nothing!

Stupid plan!

Feelings of self doubt were beginning to take over where the panic had subsided. Why would Edward Cullen approach me just because I was sat in the park, reading a book, singing stupid songs that no one understood?

I was Bella Swan, plain, boring and quite frankly a little pathetic. The plan had serious flaws. I made a mental note to tell Alice how much this plan sucked!

I played with the controls on my iPod adjusting the volume slightly. I looked up and noticed a pair of denim clad legs approaching me. I allowed my gaze to slowly make their way up until I reached the face and oh my!

My heart juddered to a stop for a few seconds before it began to beat again. Edward Cullen, the most beautiful man in the world, no, the universe was stood before me.

I could see his mouth moving but I couldn't hear him. Then, I remembered that I had ear buds in so I reached up and ripped them out.

However, I couldn't see him clearly because the sun was shining directly in my eyes and it took me a few moments to adjust the lids of my eyes so that I could view him in all of his glory.

His bronze hair was playing gently in the breeze inviting me to run my hands through it, his smile was wide and crooked, those full red lips which I so very much wanted to kiss and his tight t-shirt which hinted suggestively that his body was just as beautiful as his face and those green eyes….

"Mmm!" All thoughts of James McAvoy had gone!

"_Hello." _His voice was all smooth and mellow and made the hairs on my neck stand up.

OH MY GOD! The plan was working. Alice was a fucking genius! He was speaking to me! Keep calm, breathe, and don't panic. Stick to the plan!

**Phase 2. You are a mystery, an enigma! **

According to Alice and the old woman from Titanic 'a_ woman's heart is a deep ocean of secrets.' _So, by ignoring him this would make me appear mysterious and apparently this trait is attractive to the opposite sex!

So, I did not respond.

"_Are you okay?" _Edward asked giving me a crooked smile that made me feel like my whole body had just turned to jelly.

No response.

He inched a little closer and then knelt down. _"Are. You. Okay? "He_ asked again, pronouncing each word loudly and distinctly as if I was hard of hearing.

I scrabbled around in my head trying to assemble a rational response in my brain. Finally, because it was the next phase of the plan and because I needed to say something, I said the first thing that came to mind.

**Phase 3. Be Intellectual!**

"_I'm reading a book!" _

He raised his eyebrows and a small smile played on the corner of his lips.

"_I can see that," _he said slowly. _"So, what are you reading?" _

Please be intellectual, I urged myself.

_Pride and Prejudice by Charlotte Bronte. Do you know it?" _

He raised his eyebrows obviously impressed with my literary prowess.

"_I'm familiar with Pride and Prejudice by Jane Austin." _he replied.

"_Um, Yes, Jane Austin, that's who I meant. Charlotte Bronte is my second favourite authoress." _I felt that this response had helped me to redeem myself so I launched straight into my well rehearsed prose I had memorised from Wikipedia.

Alice assured me this would knock him dead!

"_Jane Austin is my favourite author. She was born on 16__th__ December in 1775 and was an English novelist whose realism, biting social commentary and masterful use of free indirect speech, burlesque and irony have earned her a place as one of the most widely read and most beloved writers in English literature. Austin's work critiques the novels of sensibility of the second half of the eighteenth century and her plots, whilst fundamentally comic, highlights the dependence of woman on marriage to secure social standing and economic security." _I blabbered a million miles an hour not stopping for breath. When I finished I was panting like a dog.

He nodded his head slowly, _"Mmm, that's extremely interesting. So who is your third?" _

"_Third what?" _I asked confused.

"_Your third favourite author?" _He clarified.

I looked at him blankly for a moment. I had not prepared for this line of questioning and I really only knew one other author but were Harry Potter novels intellectual?

I decided that perhaps they weren't but for the life of me I couldn't think of another author but I needed to say something. So, I said the first thing I thought of (as usual).

"_Dr Seuss?" _

He stared at me for a second. God only knows what was going through his mind?

"_Yeah" _he acknowledged sarcastically. "_Cat in the Hat is a literary masterpiece." _

He gave me a huge grin whilst internally I was dying? I should have kept my mouth shut. This was not going well at all.

Then just too confirm to him that I was indeed most likely to be crowned this year's village idiot, I blurted out _"I like classical music too! I dig Debussy. Clair de Lune rocks!" _I topped this off by giving him the biggest, cheesiest smile ever.

He began chuckling softly to himself which quickly evolved into full blown hysterics. Sitting there, I could feel my face flush with embarrassment and I just wanted the ground to open up and swallow me whole.

I thought he would never stop but eventually he let out a sigh which I took to signify the end of the hysterics.

"_So, what's your name?" _He asked casually sweeping his hand through his hair. I could tell from the strain in his voice that he was trying really not to laugh.

"_Bella." _I whispered embarrassed. _"Bella Cullen."_

He looked a little surprised. _"Cullen? _He repeated.

"Oh God!" I groaned realising my mistake _"Your name's Cullen, Edward Cullen._"

"_Yes, that's my name. Are you not a Cullen then?"_

"_No, I am a Swan!" _I replied a little too hastily.

He looked at me as if I had truly lost the plot before I interjected.

"_I'm not a real swan! I'm not a big white bird with wings. I'm Bella Swan. Swan, is my surname." _I snapped.

He chuckled again.

"_Well, Bella Swan, it was nice to meet you. Perhaps we can do this again sometime." _He gave me another smile, fished a card out of his pocket and handed it to me and then turned and walked away.

I couldn't be sure but I thought I heard him laughing quietly to himself.

**ef**


	2. Dr Seuss Literary Genius?

**A/N **A great BIG thank you to OCDE for my first ever review. You made my heart sing! I have dedicated this chapter to you!

I apologise for repeating what is basically the first chapter but I needed to give you Edward's point of view.

Anyway, as way of forgiveness I have also posted Chapter III for perusal at your leisure.

Enjoy!

Please review!

Reviews make me feel like the hills are alive with the sound of music.

Stephanie Meyer I am not worthy!

**Chapter II **

**Dr Seuss Literary Genius or The Girl is Woo Woo! **

**EPOV **

I swept my eyes across the park hoping that I would spot Emmett and Jasper amongst the crowds of people. We had agreed to meet at noon but I had been waiting for almost twenty minutes now and there was no sign of them.

I glanced down at my watch again, tapping the face to check that it was still working. Giving the park one last sweep, I decided that I wasn't going to wait any longer.

The park was heaving with what seemed like the entire population of Forks. Families, couples, dog walkers, joggers and high school kids all taking advantage of the rare change in the weather.

Apart from my studio, the park was my second most favourite place to be. It really was the heart of the small town of Forks. It was here that I had formed all my best childhood memories from my first kiss, to my first taste of alcohol and it was where I smoked my first and last cigarette.

That's when I saw her; the most beautiful creature I had ever set eyes on. She was lying on her front just a few feet away from where I stood lost in a book. Every now and again she would lift her eyes from the page and take a peek around.

Suddenly, she sat up and placed her book at her side. She brought her knees up towards her face and rested her knees against them. She looked like an angel!

She was dressed simply in a pair of blue jeans, a long sleeved t-shirt and she wore no makeup. She was natural!

Perfect!

She sat there for a few minutes looking like fucking Aphrodite herself, when suddenly she was talking into a cell phone. I studied the expressions she was pulling as she spoke but mostly she just looked confused because her eyebrows were mashed together. She still looked damn cute though!

Two minutes later the call was over, she fiddled with her ears before she picked up her book flipping the pages until she found the one she was looking for. She was magnificent!

Before, I knew what I was doing, I found myself walking towards her. As I approached I heard her moan softly.

Then without warning she shrieked as if she were in pain. Perhaps she had a leg cramp or had been stung by a wasp I reasoned.

"_Hello is everything okay? " _I enquired.

No response.

I was a little perplexed to say the least but then she reached up to remove the ear buds from her iPod. She wasn't ignoring me; she had been listening to music. It occurred to me for a moment that perhaps she wasn't screeching in pain but had been singing.

Surely though, no one who looked as good as she did could sound so bad?

FOR THE LOVE OF ALL THAT IS HOLY!

She was a beautiful.

Her long wavy dark brown hair cascaded down and around the most delicate of faces. She peered up at me with large brown eyes and her lips were soft and pink and oh so kissable. She was extraordinary!

"_Hello." _I muttered. If she had been in pain then whatever had caused it was long gone. Her face was serene, flawless like a porcelain doll. Her cheeks flushed red but that just made her look even more godamn irresistible.

She stared at me momentarily and then she turned and looked over her shoulder. It was as if she thought I was talking to someone behind her.

A few moments later she turned her head back to face me looking me up and down. I figured she might be a little shy because she didn't acknowledge me at all.

I searched those deep brown eyes and then realised that perhaps she was frightened because she was staring at me like a deer caught in the headlights of car. After all, I reasoned, she didn't know me; I was a stranger to her.

"_Are you okay?" _I asked, giving her a friendly reassuring smile.

No response.

Perhaps the sun was distracting her so I inched forward and crouched down so she didn't have to endure the full force of the sun's rays.

Still no response.

Then it struck me! Maybe she was foreign?

"_Are. You. Okay?" _I asked again a little louder pronouncing each word as distinctively as I could.

I was just about to give up when she suddenly announced, _"I'm reading a book!"_

Well, that was obvious but I decided to play along. _"I can see that. What are you reading?"_

_Pride and Prejudice by Charlotte Bronte. Do you know it?" _She replied.

I raised my eyebrows in surprise. "_I'm familiar with Pride and Prejudice by Jane Austin." _I replied slowly.

"_Yes, Jane Austin, that's who I meant. _She corrected herself. _"Charlotte Bronte is my second favourite authoress." _

Then she launched herself into some garbled explanation of why she liked said author which sounded as if she had memorised it straight from Wikipedia.

"_Jane Austin is my favourite author. She was born on 16th__ December in 1775 and was an English novelist whose realism, biting social commentary and masterful use of free indirect speech…. blah blah blah blah blah." _

I couldn't make out the rest of what she way saying because she spoke so quickly none of it made any sense.

This girl is a jabbering idiot!

But oh so intriguing!

I nodded my head slowly, _"Mmm, that's extremely interesting. So who is your third?" _

_Third what?" _She asked confused.

_Your third favourite author?" _I clarified.

She looked at me blankly for a moment before responding.

"_Dr Seuss?" _

I couldn't help but smile. This girl was fucking hilarious!

"_Yeah" _I acknowledged, "_Cat in the Hat is a literary masterpiece." _

Then for good measure, she blurted, _"I like classical music too! I dig Debussy. Clair de Lune rocks!" _

She gave me a smile which stunned me momentarily.

I was a little taken aback if I am perfectly honest and not just because of the smile.

Firstly, I was surprised that she liked Debussy because she struck me as being a bit of a indie chick rather than a classical music buff but mostly I was surprised because I had never heard the words 'rock' and 'Clair de Lune' used in the same sentence before.

I chuckled and before I could help myself, I was more or less crying with laughter. Her face was beetroot and for a moment she looked as if she was going to cry. It took me a few seconds to contain my composure. I sighed to steady myself.

"_What's your name?" _I asked.

"_Bella, Bella Cullen," _she replied almost whispering.

It took me a second to register that she had the same surname as me. It's not that I didn't believe her but I felt that I needed confirmation.

"_Cullen?" _I repeated.

"_Oh God!" _She groaned. "_Your name's Cullen, Edward Cullen._"

She knew my name and yet I had never met the girl! What the fuck?

I was slowly starting to lose the plot. _"Yes, that's my name." _I confirmed. "_Are you not a Cullen then?"_

"_No, I am a Swan!" _She replied hastily.

It took me a second to realise that Swan was her surname and she was not likening herself to a creature of the winged variety.

She obviously realised this and blurted out, _"I'm not a real swan! I'm not a big white bird. I'm Bella Swan. Swan, is my surname." _

I chuckled again.

It was time to make a move. I could see Jasper and Emmett crossing the park towards me.

"_Well, Bella Swan, it was nice to meet you. Perhaps we can do this again sometime." _

I gave her a smile and then handed her my card. As I turned and walked away I couldn't help or stop myself from laughing. This girl was definitely a little woo woo!


	3. As Strange as a Bottle of Chips!

**A/N **This chapter is dedicated to my home girl Hayliegh!

Please review!

Reviews are a girl's best friend.

Stephanie Meyer I am not worthy!

**Chapter III**

**Strange as a Bottle of Chips!**

**BPOV**

I watched him as he walked away. No, I sat and ogled at him as he walked away drooling like the fool I was.

OH MY GOD!

Edward Cullen would never be mine!

If there was one thing that I was certain of it was that first impressions count.

Stupid! Dim! Idiot! Thick! Dense! Slow! Brainless! I wondered which one of those words he would use to describe me when Jasper and Emmett asked about his afternoon at the park and there was no doubt that they would ask because Alice would insist on it! She would want feedback!

I had blown my chance.

I sighed. For six months I had harboured these feelings and in the space of five minutes I had gone and screwed it up.

The story of my life!

Six months ago, I had moved to Forks after failing miserably to carve a life for myself in New York City. My mother, had during my time away, met someone else, so going home when my life crashed and burned was not an option. Well, two's company but three is a crowd after all. So, I decided to move to Forks and spend some time with my dad Charlie. I immediately regretted the decision. Forks was not New York City! Charlie was not the doting father I remembered from my childhood and I rarely saw him. He was either at work or fishing but then again I was not a ten year old child who needed looking after.

Anyway, my life in Forks started quietly. I'd managed to get a job and according to Charlie, I was Fork's first female mechanic which definitely raised a few eyebrows amongst some of the older residents.

And then I remembered the first time I had saw him.

I was at work at Forks Auto Mechanics under the chassis of an old Chevy which Manny, my boss had asked me to take a look at, when I heard the most gorgeous sound in the world.

There was no mistaking that noise and even without seeing it I knew instantly what it was.

An Aston Martin DB9.

The sound of the throttle was a bit like hearing a cat being raped crossed with the purr of a panther.

I slid out from under the Chevy. Oh my! I couldn't breathe. The sight literally took my breath away. Stood on the forecourt was a midnight blue DB9. There was nothing about this car I couldn't tell you. 0 to 60mph in 4. 9 seconds, a top speed of 186mph and 6.0 litre V12 engine.

I swear a little bit of drool escaped my mouth!

I stared at the machine hoping and praying that Manny would give me a chance to work on it. There was a definite high-pitch chirp just as the owner hit the throttle and so I was guessing that there may be a problem with the intake valve.

I stood there awe struck as I deliberated other potential problems when the drivers door opened. The next thing I saw was the appearance of a man's long leg followed swiftly by another. It was all very dignified. The movements were fluid and I was mesmerised. Then as if in slow motion the rest of the body followed.

Fuck me!

I had at that very second died and gone to fucking heaven!

The car was indeed beautiful but stood before me was the most fucking stunning thing I had ever seen in my life! This man, this Adonis was frigging perfection.

The guy turned towards me. He was smoking fucking hot! Dressed in a black tuxedo, his jacket was unbuttoned, his dress shirt was untucked and his tie hung loose around his neck. He looked as if he could have been a member of the Rat Pack. He stared at me for a few moments and I was instantly self-conscious as I stood there in my baggy creased overalls, a baseball hat covering my head and my face and hands streaked in dirty thick motor oil. For a fleeting second, I thought about doing a 'Denise Richardson' and ripping the hat from my head and shaking my hair out seductively but I figured that I would just end up giving myself whiplash. He started to walk towards me and I think I stopped breathing. He drew closer and closer and my heart was beating so loudly that not only could I hear it but I swear it felt like it had grown hands and was trying to punch its way out through my rib cage.

I bit my bottom lip and any other remaining rational thoughts I may have had at that point were gone. I was at that point a fucking amoeba. He continued to approach me and then without warning he just tossed his car keys at me as he walked past. I caught the keys just and turned as he said "_tell Manny I'll pick her up tomorrow." _And then he was gone.

It was truly the greatest day of my life. It was the day, my crush, my infatuation, my lust; my love for Edward Cullen began.

Just then my mobile telephone began to vibrate pulling me out of my daydream and back to reality.

"_Hello." _I said mournfully into the handset.

"_How was it?" _Alice cooed.

"_It was terrible" _I whispered dejectedly. I could feel the tears stinging my eyes and Alice must have sensed that I was on the verge of crying because she said, _"Bella, stay where you are. I'm coming to get you." _

She arrived a few moments later. She sat down beside me, smiled at me sympathetically and grabbed my hand. _"So, tell me what happened?" _She whispered softly.

"_Oh Alice, it was awful! " _I whined. "_I got Jane Austin mixed up with Charlotte Bronte, I told him Debussy rocked and that Dr Seuss was my third favourite author. I am an idiot!"_

"_Dr Seuss is your third favourite author?" _She repeated slowly.

She raised her eyebrows in disbelief. _"Oh Bella, that's not so bad considering…"_

"_Considering I am mentally incapacitated!" _I interjected.

"_Your not mentally incapacitated Bella. You're just a little; a little strange that's all" _

"_Yeah!" _I agreed. _"As strange as a bottle of chips!"_

We both sat there for while neither of us saying anything.

_Oh no!" _I screeched loudly making Alice jump.

"_What Bella? What's the matter? "_There was a hint of panic in her voice.

"_I told him my name was Bella Cullen! " _I blurted.

God only knows what he must have been thinking when I blurted that little gem out! He probably thought I was completely off my head.

Within a matter of minutes I had all but married him!

Alice stifled a giggle but quickly composed herself. _"Perhaps he didn't notice," _she suggested.

"_Oh he did! Alice, he thinks that I am an idiot. He was laughing at me so much that I thought he was going to wet his pants! _I was almost hysterical by this point.

"_I'm sure that isn't true Bella." _Alice reassured me.

"_Any hopes I had of Edward Cullen ever being interested in me were done for the minute I opened my mouth." _I responded regretfully.

Alice let go of my hand and snaked it over my shoulder pulling me closer. She turned to face me and gave me a sly smile. "_What have you got in your hand Bella? _

I opened my hand slowly to reveal a small white business card. _"Edward gave it to me."_ I whispered looking down at the card and turning it to read the print.

Edward Cullen

07417475829

I turned and looked at Alice who in return raised her eyebrows suggestively.

"_Alice, I've got his number! Look I have his number! I've got his number!" _I was so very excited and was virtually shouting.

"_He gave me his number Alice. _It's_ his telephone number! "I_ repeated again.

Alice giggled and said "_I can see that Bella."_She stood up and offered me her hand. I took it and she half heartedly attempted to pull me up.

"_Come on lets get out of here." __"__We'll get some ice cream on the way back to mine, I'll introduce you to Debussy and you can tell me what you're going to say to him when you call him tomorrow." _

"_Do you know him then?" _I asked.

"_Know who? " _She looked confused.

"_Debussy. You just said that you would introduce us. Does he live near by? "_

Alice sighed shaking her head slightly.

"_Bella, Claude Debussy died a long time ago, like hundreds of years ago." _She clarified. Her tone had a slight sarcastic tone to it.

"_Doh!" _I giggled nervously.

I was such a dingbat!

"_You know if you stopped and thought about what you were saying before you actually said it…" _

"_Yeah, I know! _I sighed agreeing with her.

"_You are so like Homer Simpson." _

"_What? I have a pot belly and I'm bright yellow?" _I said giving her a wink so that she knew I that I was joking.

We both began to laugh as we made our way towards the park exit arm in arm.

It was then that reality hit home.

I'd got Edward Cullen's telephone number and he was expecting me to call him!

Holy fucking cow!


	4. A Little Bit of Angst Never Hurt Anyone!

**Only Fools Fall In Love**

**Chapter IV**

**A Little Bit of Angst Never Hurt Anyone!**

**EPOV**

It had been two days since I had met Bella Swan.

Forty eight hours since I'd laughed so much I had nearly pissed my pants.

Two thousand, eight hundred and eighty minutes filled with thoughts of her. I couldn't even escape her in my dreams.

One hundred and seventy two thousand and eight hundred seconds to be more precise since I had fallen in love with Bella Swan.

Fucking hell!

Do I love Bella Swan?

I groaned and rolled over onto my stomach burying my head into the soft down of the pillows as if they would shield me or perhaps even stop the alien feelings my head was telling me I had.

Love?

No, I don't think so?

I was fucking Edward Cullen.

I was a smooth bastard.

Edward Cullen does not fall in love.

So why for the love of all that is frigging holy do I feel this way?

The day after I met Bella, I realized that I had really strong feelings about her but I was hesitant to call it love. After all, I had only known her for five minutes and I liked to think that I was a rational type of guy who didn't buy in to that love at first sight bullshit.

Even so, just being near her for that short space of time was, dare I say it, a life changing experience, because even if I was not in love my life had changed dramatically over the past couple of days. I'd lost my appetite and I spent my days (and nights if I am honest) thinking about stuff to say to her when she finally called.

Fuck she'd call, right?

I couldn't stop thinking about her for a second. I'd even imagined what our wedding day would be like.

Shit!

I pulled my cell phone from my jacket pocket and checked the screen.

No missed calls, no texts.

Fuck!

Frustrated, I slammed it down a little to hard onto the counter. I snatched it back to check that it was still working instantly feeling a little relief when I saw that it was.

Just fucking call will you!

Never in all my twenty four years had I felt this apprehensive about a girl.

But then this girl was different.

She was gorgeous, funny, natural and spontaneous.

She was also fucking off her head.

I chuckled as I recalled our conversation. Yeah! Definitely as mad as a box of frogs but in a peculiar way this made her more appealing. She ticked all of my boxes to in terms of what I looked for in a girl physically as well as mentally. Okay, she may be a little eccentric but I can deal with that right?

Bella Swan I love you.

Shit! This has got to stop!

I'm afraid that I am turning into some love sick character from a Jane Austin novel.

Crap!

I'm becoming Mr Darcy from Pride and Prejudice.

_"I cannot fix on the hour, or the look, or the words, which laid the foundation. It is too long ago. I was in the middle before I knew that I had begun." _

Fucking hell!

I was even quoting the damn thing! I grimaced when I realised that this was not coincidental. She'd told me it was her favourite book.

I shook my head violently trying to rid myself the rather disturbing image of me in a pair of tight breeches and a fucking frock coat.

When did I turn into such a girl?

Bella, Bella, Bella Swan.

I had never seen or heard of her before that day and yet I'd lived in Forks my near damned whole life and knew most of its inhabitants. Thinking back to our short conversation it suddenly struck me that although I didn't know her, she knew me. She said my name was Edward Cullen.

Swan. Swan.

Crap!

There was only one other person in Forks with the same surname and that was Chief of Police Charlie Swan.

Yeah, it was all coming back to me now as I recalled some months back Emmett telling me all about Chief Swan's daughter coming to live with him. Apparently, she'd fucked up big time in New York City after finding her fiancé in bed with a blond bimbo. He had promptly left her for said bimbo, she couldn't make the rent and Charlie had welcomed her home like a prodigal daughter.

Like most of my conversations with Emmett, I hadn't really been paying much attention because most of what he said was incidental shit. Emmett McCarthy was a fucking gossip!

The sound of my cell phone vibrating against the tiled surface of the counter interrupted my thoughts and suddenly I felt like a thirteen year old in junior high with a crush.


	5. I Just Called to Say I Love You!

**Only Fools Fall In Love**

**Chapter V**

**I Just Called to Say I Love You**

**BPOV**

"_Just call him Bella!" _Alice barked shrilly. This was my fifth attempt at calling him today and I suppose if you combined that with the infinite number of pathetic attempts I had made over the past couple of days, I guess I couldn't blame her for feeling pissed with me. She stood up abruptly letting out a little huff and skulked into the kitchen.

I was as nervous as a long tailed cat in a room full of rocking chairs and my stomach felt like a washing machine on a spin cycle. I slowly punched in the numbers and positioned my finger over the call button. I watched as my finger nervously tapped against the icon, lightly at first and then gradually a little harder. It was as if my finger had a mind of its own and the longer I stared at it the more I became hypnotised by it.

Stupid demon digit!

I blew out a breath I hadn't even realised I was holding and then rather too abruptly I slammed the telephone down frightening myself in the process as it clattered into its cradle. From behind me, I heard Alice groan and then the sound of her footsteps on the wooden floor as she made her way back into the living room.

She sat beside me and patted me on the knee sympathetically. _"You know, if you don't make this call, you will regret it." _She said softly.

_"Maybe not today, maybe not tomorrow, but soon and for the rest of your life." _She continued, doing a bad Humphrey Bogart impression.

I turned to looked at her and smiled to acknowledge that I appreciated her gesture. Alice really was a very good friend with a knack of saying just the right thing at the right time, and of course, she was right as usual. I really would regret not calling him.

Really, what did I have to be nervous about? After all, he had given me his number despite my feeble attempts to impress him in the park. I am a strong and independent woman and I can make this call. I will make this call.

I grabbed my notebook and pen from the table beside me. Alice had laughed when I began to take notes during one of the many conversations we'd had about what I should and shouldn't say when I finally got around to making this call.

Balancing the notebook on my knee I reached for the telephone pressed redial and brought the handset up to my ear. At first, the line hissed with static and then on the third ring he answered. _"Hello." _

Fuck!

I looked down at my notes and to the first line. Say hello, it prompted.

"_Hello"_, I replied.

"_Hey_, "he crooned back, his voice all golden like honey.

"_It's um me Bella." _I stammered.

"_Yeah, I kind of guessed it was you" _

"_Um, I was wondering …do you fancy… do you want to meet up? " _I eventually spluttered.

"_Sure that sounds cool."_

What?

He said yes!

Fuck me!

"_Well um good." _I said, once again referring to my notes. "_Meet me tomorrow evening at around six." _

Yeah! I really was a strong independent woman and I was definitely on a roll. Alice gave me a cheesy smile and a big thumbs up as way of encouragement.

Feeling more confident, I continued. _"We can grab some dinner in Port Angeles, hit a bar maybe? Wear those cute red shoes with the heels, put your hair up and don't act too desperate_."

Oh my fucking god!

I had just repeated verbatim from my notebook including what I should wear, how I should fix my hair and how I should act or not act as the case may be. He was not supposed to hear those words. They were just my notes!

I looked at Alice appealing for help with my eyes but she just shrugged her shoulders despondently.

Fuck! Fuck! Fuck!

I jerked my knee and the notebook slipped off and fell with a soft thud on the floor. Stupid traitor notes!

Taking a deep breath, I decided to pretend that I hadn't just fucked up monumentally and that perhaps he hadn't heard me.

"_That sounds like a date." _He confirmed.

Frigging hell!

He hadn't heard.

Thank you god.

"_I hope that didn't come across as sounding too desperate?" _He chuckled.

"_Um…" _Oh way to go Bella. What a genius response!

"_I'll wear my hair down but only because you asked me so nicely but if you don't mind I'll give the shoes a miss. My feet are killing me! " _I could imagine the crooked smirk across his stupid beautiful face as he was saying it.

Shit!

He'd heard.

Shit!

I couldn't respond. I'd been struck dumb!

"_Bella give me your address." _He said in between his chuckles.

"_What? " _I enquired not quite understanding why he had asked that particular question.

"_Give me your address so that I can pick you up." _He clarified.

"_Are you sure?" _

"_Yes, I'm sure Bella." _He said confidently. "_Why do you ask? "_

"_Well, it's just that usually I wouldn't give someone like you a second look." _

I heard Alice groan and then just in case I didn't realise what a complete and utter moron I was she elbowed me sharply in the ribs to remind me.

Edward chuckled politely on the other end of the line. _"I'm not sure whether that was meant as a compliment or whether I should be offended." _He said a little dejectedly.

"_Oh it was definitely meant as a compliment! What I meant was that…I'm sorry. It's just…I'll understand if you want to take a rain check." _I said uncertainly deciding that it I would only make matters worse if I tried to explain myself given the obvious lack of a lucid connection between my brain and my mouth.

"_Bella, its fine and I really want to see you again so if you don't mind I'll pick you up at six tomorrow. What's your address?" _

"_Um 201 Maple." _

"_I'll see you tomorrow then? " _He crooned.

"_Um, okay." _I said again a little surprised that he still wanted to and then the line went dead.

"_So?" _Alice demanded as I handed her the handset.

"_He's picking me up at six tomorrow." _I whispered.

"_Fucking hell Bella!" _She screamed shrilly leaping up and down like a chimpanzee.

"_I know." _I said a little awe struck.

"_Right, we've got work to do." _She said doing a complete u-turn from shrill and excited Alice to cool and efficient Alice in five seconds flat. She looked me up and down shaking her head from side to side.

"_Um, I'm not sure Alice, I think it might be better if I stopped pretending to be something I'm not and just go as myself." _

"_Nonsense! " _She barked. _"By the time I've finished with you, he won't know what's hit him."_

I groaned a little and Alice smacked me playfully.

"_Don't worry Bella. Everything will be fine. Just you wait and see!" _She chirped and I could see from the gleam in her eye that nothing I said would make the slightest bit of difference.


	6. You Called!

**A/N** A great BIG shoutout to my only reviewer OCDE because my friends and family have abandoned me!

I'm working on Chapter VII and it is very very funny but also a little heartbreaking.

Read and enjoy. For those of you (and you know who you are) who know just how fragile my ego is please review.

I am not Stephanie Meyer. She owns all thing that sparkle in the twilight.

**Only Fools Fall In Love **

**Chapter VI **

**You Called! **

**EPOV**

The sound of my cell phone vibrating against the tiled surface of the counter interrupted my thoughts and suddenly I felt like a thirteen year old in junior high with a crush.

I let it ring three times before I answered.

Please god! Let it be her.

"_Hello." _I said into the handset smoothly.

The line was silent apart from the sound of her breathing.

A few moments later, she responded. _"Hello."_

Yes! I punched the air with my fist.

She'd fucking called!

I don't know why I was so surprised though. Most girls did.

"_Hey." _I crooned.

"_It's um me Bella." _She stammered.

Well duh!

"_Yeah, I kind of guessed it was you" _

"_Um, I was wondering …do you fancy… do you want to meet up? " _

Again, yes!

"_Sure that sounds cool."_

Uncomfortable silence.

"_Well um good. Meet me tomorrow evening at around six." _

She sounded a little more confident now.

"_We can grab some dinner in Port Angeles, hit a bar maybe? Wear those cute red shoes with the heels, put your hair up and don't act too desperate_."

What the fuck?

It sounded as if she was reading from a script.

This girl was as every bit as funny as I remembered even though I knew that she wasn't trying to be.

What do I say?

Perhaps I should pretend that I didn't hear. I don't think I was meant to. Yeah, that would be the polite thing to do. The nice thing to do.

"_That sounds like a date." _I confirmed biting the inside of mouth to stifle the urge to laugh.

However, I just couldn't resist. It was just too easy.

"_I hope that didn't come across as sounding too desperate?" _I couldn't help but let out a chuckle.

"_Um." _

I'd reached this point and it seemed such a waste not to carry and go the whole hog although every fibre of my body was shouting don't do it.

"_I'll wear my hair down but only because you asked me so nicely but if you don't mind I'll give the shoes a miss. My feet are killing me! " _As I said it I felt the smirk gradually grow across my lips.

You're such a dick.

Ten minutes ago, you loved this girl like no other and now you're taking the piss?

You're an ass Edward Cullen.

Feeling remorseful, I decided to change the subject.

"_Bella give me your address." _

"_What? " _She sounded confused.

"_Give me your address so that I can pick you up." _I clarified.

"_Are you sure?" _

"_Yes, I'm sure Bella." _I stated confidently. "_Why do you ask? "_

I thought she would respond by saying something about making a fool of herself and then I would just have to step in, say the right words and make everything okay because that just the kind of guy I was.

Therefore, to say I was a little surprised at what she said next was something of an understatement.

"_Well, it's just that usually I wouldn't give someone like you a second look." _

What the fuck did she just say?

More to the point, what did she mean?

"_I'm not sure whether that was meant as a compliment or whether I should be offended." _

Please let it be a back handed compliment.

Please.

My ego was plummeting fast.

"_Oh it was definitely meant as a compliment! What I meant was that…I'm sorry. It's just…I'll understand if you want to take a rain check." _She said sadly.

I decided that I wouldn't push for an explanation although I wanted one desperately. The poor girl sounded like she was on the verge of crying so it was only fair that I leave it and ask her about it tomorrow.

"_Bella, its fine and I really want to see you again so if you don't mind I'll pick you up at six tomorrow. What's your address?" _

Please forgive me. I'm an insecure prick who cannot handle rejection and I really do love you. Forgive me?

"_Um 201 Maple." _

Goal!

"_I'll see you tomorrow then? " _

"_Um, okay." _

Then without warning, I dropped the phone and the line went dead.

Shit!


	7. Volvo Man!

**A/N** Thanks to everyone who reviewed previously. You have given me the incentive to carry on because I was honestly worried that this would end up as a collection of silly little stories!

I've actually got a plot in mind now!

Next chapter will be in Edward's point of view.

Don't be shy. REVIEW!

Last but no least, everything belongs to Stephanie Meyer and Sponge Bob Square Pants.

**Only Fools Fall In Love**

**Chapter VII - Part 1**

**Volvo Man **

**BPOV**

I had spent the best part of the day being waxed, plucked, pulled and prodded within an inch of my life. If I'm being truthful, Alice had pulled off a miracle. I looked good. Shame I didn't feel the same.

My dress was by some designer whose name I couldn't pronounce and (according to Alice) it accentuated my curves in all the right ways. I'd teamed the dress with a pair of black leggings and a pair of ballet pumps. I had insisted on wearing my hair down and as for the red shoes with the heels, I'd hidden them at the back of the closet under last week's dirty laundry. There was no way that I was going to remind him of yesterday's hideously embarrassing episode.

I glanced nervously at the clock on the kitchen wall as I sipped the glass of wine Alice had poured for me a little earlier. _"A little Dutch courage," _she'd said as she placed the glass on the counter.

In an hour, he would be here. I wondered whether he would turn up in the Aston Martin. God that would be so cool. In fact, it was nearly as cool as having a date with Edward himself.

Nearly!

I'd booked a table at the best Italian restaurant Port Angeles had to offer. Okay, it was the only Italian restaurant in Port Angeles and so therefore by default the best.

I'd woken early after possibly the worst night's sleep I'd ever had. I replayed yesterday's telephone conversation in my mind repeatedly alongside our initial meeting in the park and I'd decided that I was no longer going to pretend to be something that I wasn't. I just didn't have the prowess to pull it off!

Alice was dubious when I told her my plan but then after I'd presented her with the evidence she'd reluctantly agreed that perhaps it was for the best. I was not intellectual and I certainly was not a strong and independent person of the female persuasion.

He would either like me or hate me and if I was perfectly honest, I didn't want to give him any more ammunition for him to collapse in a fit of hysterics. I didn't blame him of course. Hell, if I were in his shoes I'd have done the same. It just would be nice to have a normal conversation without me putting my foot in it and making a complete fool of myself.

After all, you can fool some people all of the time and all of the people some of the time, but cheaters never prosper.

No, that's wrong!

You can fool some of the people all of the time, and all of the people some of the time, but a friend in need is a friend indeed.

Shit!

Perhaps, I'd had a little too much wine.

I called Alice.

"_Alice, what is that saying about you can fool some of the people all of the time, and all of the people some of the time, but you can make a fool of yourself anytime." _

She looked at me blankly. _"I'm not sure what you're asking me Bella." _

"_You know that saying that people say about fools." _I reiterated.

She still looked none the wiser. _"What about it?" _

"_What is it?" _I slurred.

"_Fuck Bella, how much have you had to drink?" _She picked up the empty wine glass and the now nearly empty bottle.

"_Shit you're pissed Bella!" _She stated staring at me through slanted eyes.

"_Am not!" _I replied defensively. "_I was just trying to remember that saying that people say about people when they say they are fools." _

"_You said it already." _She sounded a little exasperated as she busied herself with the coffee maker.

"_Said what? " _

"_You can fool some of the people all of the time, and all of the people some of the time, but you can make a fool of yourself anytime." _

"_Yeah, that's it. Thanks Alice. That would have driven me crazy all night. Its like you know what it is that your thinking about, it like on the tip of your tongue but you just cant remember it?"_

Alice eyed me questionably and began to mumble something about strong coffee and touching up my lipstick.

"_Bella, we need to sober you up." _Alice placed a huge mug of black coffee into my hand instructing me to drink it. Then she skipped off out of room returning a few moments later with her makeup bag. She waited until I downed the coffee and then began to retouch the makeup she had applied earlier.

"_How do you feel Bella?" _She asked in a concerned tone_. Maybe you should just call him and cancel. Tell him you don't feel too good." _

"_No way!" _I shouted. "_Besides, he'll be here in two minutes so it too late." _

Alice looked me over with a troubled look on her face. She pursed her lips and shook her head slowly.

"_I don't know Bella, its just…"_

"_It's just what Alice? I'm twenty-four years old so legally and morally it's okay that I've had a glass or two of wine so stop fussing over me like an old mother hen. I'll be fine." _I hadn't meant to sound so harsh so I made an effort to soften my tone before I continued and it began well.

"_What's the worst that can happen? Are you worried that I'll say something embarrassing or fall over or worse? "_Then it deteriorated.

"_Well, here's news for you girlfriend, the chances of me doing all of those things is high with or without the wine anyway. So just relax, chill out, chillax! Everything will be okay." _

"_I'm not sure whether that is the wine or the coffee but you talk too much. " _She said despondently. _Girlfriend?" _She questioned. _"Did you just call me girlfriend?" _

"_Yeah, they say it all the time on Jerry Springer. You have to click your fingers when you say it. It's more effective that way." _

"_What way?" _She asked, obviously not attuned to the world of trailer trash television.

"_Like this silly." _I jumped down awkwardly off my stool, turned to face her and in my best trailer park accent, I said. _"Oh no you didn't girlfriend" _snapping my fingers in time with the rhythm of the words.

She stared at me open-mouthed.

"_Bella promise me you won't do that tonight."_

"_Oh Alice. Be cool! Sleep in a fridge!" _Although, I knew she meant well she was pissing me off and just thinking about feeling pissed reminded me I had to pee.

"_I need to use the bathroom." _I informed her as I made my way out of the room.

Once I'd freshened up, I made my way to Alice's room. She had a full-length mirror and I wanted to check that I still looked okay. After readjusting my dress and running my fingers through my hair, I turned and made my way back towards the kitchen.

"_Hey Alice," _I called. _Do you think that it's ever okay to pick up your bowl and drink the soup straight from it? _I said as I entered the kitchen.

I stopped dead in my tracks as I rounded the door and saw that Edward Cullen was standing in the middle of the kitchen looking at me like...

You know I can't even describe to you how he was looking at me because I was too distracted with the fact that he was stood in my kitchen dressed from head to toe in black in a pair of ass hugging pants and a tight t-shirt looking like some fucking hot ninja .

I stood mouth a gape for a few moment before I saw Alice perched on the counter top, her head buried in her hands, which brought me back down to reality with a bump.

Fuck!

He'd heard everything.

What was I supposed to do now?

I hadn't got a fucking clue so I did what was natural and finished my sentence.

"_It's just I tend to dribble when I use a__spoon." _

The room was silent apart from the sound of my breathing and the ground opening up below me. I didn't know what to do next so I looked over at Edward and gave him one of my award winning cheesy grins.

"_Hi." _I squeaked and then I hiccuped once loudly.

A look I couldn't quite decipher washed over his face momentarily and then he handed me a small bouquet of flowers. _"For you." _He said.

"_Um, thanks." _I mumbled.

I accepted the bouquet turning to hand them to Alice. _"Can you put these in one of those…you know one of those things you put flowers in." _

"_A vase?" _She offered

"_Yeah a vase." _I confirmed grabbing my purse from the counter and turning towards Edward. _"Are you ready to roll?" _

"_Are you ready?" _He raised his eyebrow as he asked as if doubting that I was.

I giggled. "_I was born ready." _Then without warning, I mean without even thinking, I said eight of the most embarrassing words in the history of most embarrassing words ever.

"_I'm ready, I'm steady, I'm ready steady Eddie." _

"_Edward, Bella shouldn't drink any more tonight." _Alice said sternly shooting me a withered look, which I suppose in hindsight I should have interpreted as a 'shut the fuck up' look.

"_Yeah, I figured." _

He gestured towards the door but I was raised to be polite and well mannered so I insisted _"No, after you." _

Well, I it would have been wasteful to miss the opportunity to view his butt in all its glory from the best possible angle. He turned somewhat reluctantly and walked towards the door.

Once outside he made his way towards a car that was parked just off the driveway. I followed closely behind, my sight fixed firmly on the magnificent sight that was Edward's ass. I didn't even blink for fear that the image would disappear like a desert mirage.

I heard the jangle of his keys and the small electronic beep of the central locking system being activated. At one point, it was touch and go as to whether I would be able to shift my line of vision from his firm buttocks but with Herculean effort, I finally managed.

What the fuck?

I had expected Edward to arrive in an Aston Martin DB9 and yet here he was opening the door of a Volvo.

A Volvo!

A fucking Volvo!

Again, what the fuck?

I can judge a man by the type of car he drives. It's like some kind of sixth sense and one that I was particularly proud to possess. For me, Volvo man is someone who is so bad at driving that they want a car that is perceived overly safe. They drive slowly in the fast lane; they cut into traffic causing other drivers to swerve and brake violently to avoid collisions.

Thus in reality, if you enter into a relationship with said Volvo man it can only mean that he will get in your way and generally will have a negative impact on your state of mind and overall wellbeing.

Now, the Edward, I knew and loved drove an Aston Martin DB9 which of course indicated that Edward was (and this is a somewhat condensed version of my theory) a sexy bastard! He was most certainly not a frigging Volvo driver and to be frank, this discovery upset me somewhat.

"_Is this your car?" _I enquired.

"_Yeah!" _He replied as he opened the passenger door open for me.

I'm not sure whether it was the tone of my voice or the look of disgust on my face but he obviously saw that I was less than impressed.

"_I love this car." _He informed me giving me one of his infamous crooked grins, which in another time or place would have impressed me but this was not the time or the place.

"_I take it that you have some aversion to Volvo's then?" _I sensed the humour in his voice and it was then that I noticed that I was actually physically edging away from the vehicle.

"_I just didn't imagine this would be the sort of car you would drive!" _I replied honestly_. _

He looked at me as if he was trying to figure something out and then chuckled softly.

"_Are you going to get in or are we going to walk to Port Angeles?" _He said offering me his hand.

Jesus!

I was going to touch Edward Cullen's hand!

I stepped forward and gingerly took hold of his hand.

The last thing that I remember as I leaned forward to get into the car as gracefully as I could was just how fucking much I loved his hand.


	8. Knock Out!

**A/N **Whilst I appreaciate all the visits to the story I would really appreciate more reviews. So, please be kind and let me know what you think.

SM owns Twilight and I don't. Boo Hoo!

**Fools Fall in Love**

**Chapter VIII**

**Knock Out!**

**EPOV**

I pulled up outside Bella's five minutes early. I switched off the engine and glanced at my appearance in the rear view mirror.

I was looking good!

So, tonight was the night! My date with Bella Swan and I guess I was pretty keyed up. Bella was not usually my cup of tea compared with the other girls I dated. Sure, she had all the right physical attributes that I found attractive, she liked to read and had mentioned how much she liked Debussy and so therefore I guess she liked classical music, which was all good and well, but there was something else about her, something I couldn't quite put my finger on which I suppose, appealed to me.

Of course, there was another part of my brain, which had registered the fact she was clearly as crazy as a soup sandwich and it was this part of my brain, which was telling me very to run for the hills.

Therefore, I hoping that tonight would be the night that I saw Bella Swan for who she really was and not the socially inept bumbling buffoon she appeared to be.

I turned and grabbed the small bouquet of flowers I'd brought on impulse fifteen minutes earlier. They were a tad cliché but I thought that Bella would appreciate the gesture. I got out of the car slowly and made my way up the path and taking a deep breath, I knocked the door.

A few seconds later, it opened to reveal a small slip of a girl I vaguely recognised but could not place. _Hi, I'm Edward. I've come to pick up Bella." _I announced cheerfully.

She gave me a look as if she didn't really give a fuck, turned and left me standing at the door. I assumed that I ought to follow her so stepped into the house shutting the door behind me. _"I'm Alice. " _She said tersely as I followed her into the kitchen.

She walked towards a large table and pulled out a chair indicating with a perfectly manicured finger that I should sit whilst she made way to the vacant seat opposite. Resting her hands on the tabletop, she sat down. I smiled at her tentatively nodding my head as I did so.

She was obviously a woman of few words.

We sat there in for a few moments, the silence palpable, her eyes fixed firmly on me making me feel more and more uncomfortable. Rather than return her gaze, which by now was beginning to make me feel a little freaked, I let my eyes wander around the small but compact kitchen.

The walls were painted in a subtle shade of yellow and were covered in a huge number of framed pictures. Most were photographs of Bella in various different poses with a bunch of random people I didn't know.

I turned and looked at Alice hoping that she might fill me in as to who the people were in the photographs but she was still staring at me intently, her face devoid of any emotion.

Fuck, she was freaking me out!

So, to break the ice I decided that I really needed to say something.

"_Bella's friends huh?" _I questioned nodding my head towards the walls.

She shifted slightly in her chair but didn't respond or shift her line of sight so I decided to give her a taste of her own medicine and glared back.

We sat like this for a few minutes but to be honest I was beginning to get a little bored so I broke the strange deadlock and diverted my eyes down towards the table.

This was fucking weird!

"_So…." _She said slowly and menacingly. "_What exactly are your intentions with my best friend?" _

I looked up at her feeling a little startled at the directness of her question and then she began to laugh.

This just confused me further.

"_Fuck, that was funny!" _She managed to declare in between her guffaws. _"You should have seen the look on your face."_

It took me a few seconds to realise that she'd been yanking my chain and although somewhat reluctantly I began to laugh too.

"_Good one!" _I acknowledged but I didn't mean it. I guess I was just being polite.

As her laughter was beginning to wane she let out a long sigh and silence enveloped the room once again.

I didn't appreciate being laughed at.

I stood up, pushing the chair across the floor as I did. Alice mirrored my actions and it was only when she stood in front of me, I realised that she was so tiny.

She was like a little fucking pixie.

I stuck two fingers up, pointed at my eyes, and then at Alice, as if to say '_I'm watching you.' _It was delivered as joke but I meant it.

She just smiled and gave me a wink.

Bitch!

I was just about to say something sarcastic when I interrupted by the sound of someone some one else talking.

Bella!

Thank fuck for that!

I was beginning to think I'd been stood up.

At first, I couldn't hear what she was mumbling but as she neared the kitchen, it became clearer.

"_Hey Alice," _She called. "_Do you think that it's ever okay to pick up your bowl and drink the soup straight from it? " _

She rounded the kitchen door and it was obvious that she hadn't been expecting me to be stood there. She stood there just looking at me as if I'd just declared that I had the table manners of a chimpanzee and not the other way round. _"_

"_It's just that I dribble when I use a spoon." _

What the fuck?

She gave me a smile, which under normal circumstances would have melted my heart and gave me a hard on all at the same time but now was neither the time nor the place.

Alice had by this time perched herself on top of one of the kitchen counters, her head buried in her hands obviously feeling the awkwardness in the room. I looked from Alice back to Bella who was still in a comatose state and then back at Alice. Perhaps I should say something but how the frigging hell was I supposed to react to that?

I stood there for what seemed like an eternity contemplating what to do next when Bella finally spoke

"_Hi." _She squeaked and then she hiccupped once loudly.

Had she been drinking?

Was Bella Swan drunk?

I looked down towards the floor and was suddenly reminded of the bouquet, which I was still holding. _"For you." _I said handing them to her.

"_Um, thanks." _She mumbled as she accepted the flowers. She turned to Alice. _"Can you put these in one of those…you know one of those things you put flowers in." _

"_A vase?" _Alice retorted a little sarcastically.

"_Yeah a vase." _She confirmed grabbing her purse from the counter and turning towards me. _"Are you ready to roll?" _

"_Are you ready?" _I asked concerned for her current inebriated state.

She giggled. "_I was born ready." _Then without warning she said eight of the most fucking irritating words in fact they were beyond irritating. Irritating is just a polite way of describing how they made me feel.

"_I'm ready, I'm steady, I'm ready steady Eddie." _

I hate Sponge Bob Square Pants only slightly more then I hate being called Eddie.

"_Edward, Bella shouldn't drink any more tonight." _Alice said sternly shooting Bella a dark look.

"_Yeah, I figured." _I replied.

This was going to be a long night.

Might as well get it over with.

I gestured towards the door but she insisted _"No, after you." _

So, somewhat reluctantly I walked towards the door. I also got the feeling that she wasn't staring at the back of my head and that lifted my mood somewhat.

Once outside I made my way towards a car that was parked just off the driveway. Bella was following closely behind. I took the keys out of my pocket and activated the central locking system.

"_Is this your car?" _She asked tersely.

"_Yeah!" _I replied as I opened the passenger door.

Who else's would it be?

She seemed a little apprehensive and I wondered whether it was the thought of getting into the car with me or the car itself that was aberrant to her.

"_I love this car." _I informed her flashing one of my infamous smiles trying to put her mind at rest. Moreover, it was true; I really did love this car.

She stood there with a look of disgust on her face.

"_I take it that you have some aversion to Volvos then?" _I said playfully.

"_I just didn't imagine this would be the sort of car you would drive!" _She answered frankly.

I chuckled softly. _"Are you going to get in or are we going to walk to Port Angeles?" _I said offering her my hand.

She stepped forward and slowly took hold of my hand then as she leaned forward to get into the car her head thumped loudly off the metal and she slumped not very gracefully in a heap onto the sidewalk.

Holy fucking shit!

She'd managed to knock herself out cold!


	9. Blinded by the Light!

**A/N **I'm sat here with suspected Swine Flu and feel awful. I can't go to work and I'm bored which I think is making me feel worse. What's more, the kids are at home for the summer break and they are so demanding!

Anyway, I got an interesting review from evilangel813 a while back because they were having difficulty picturing Edward as an ass! I thought it through and decided that she was right. Edward is sarcastic but I don't think its enough to label him (just yet).

So, the story will continue much in the same way just minus the references to asses.

As usual, props to SM who totally owns Twilight. Oh and Elbow who own the song!

Review and let me know what you think.

**Only Fools Fall In Love**

**Chapter IX**

**Blinded by the Light **

**BPOV**

I opened my eyes and saw nothing but blackness. In that instance, complete fear swathed my whole body.

I.

Can't.

Fucking.

See.

"_Shit, I'm blind," _I screamed panicking as the realisation hit me like a freight train.

I felt a flurry of movement beside me and someone mumble _"Stop fucking fidgeting Bella."_

Fidgeting!

Fucking fidgeting!

I'll give them fucking fidgeting.

"_I'm fucking blind!" _I screeched again.

I heard the ragged breaths of someone leaning over me. "_Frigging hell Alice, wipe the blood from her eyes. She can't fucking see." _

I felt a brief pressure spread across my face. _"Open your eyes Bella" _It, sounded like the voice of an angel was whispering into my ear.

I opened my eyes tentatively again. It took me a few seconds to adjust but I could make out fuzzy shapes and then slowly those shapes became more distinct until finally I recognised the face of my angel.

"_Edward, I'm cured." _I wailed and then nothing.

Seven hours later…

I woke up and blinked my eyes. I couldn't remember going to bed and I didn't recollect the huge florescent lighting rig which was hanging from the ceiling either for that matter.

Where the fuck was I?

I lay there for a few moments before I decided that the only way to get a better look at my surroundings was to sit up. I slowly lifted my head off the pillow and as I did, the first thing that struck me was the sharp shooting pain in my head and then the hand grappling my shoulder forcing me back down on the bed.

"_Bella, don't try and get up you've hurt your head." _I turned my head slowly towards the voice.

"_It hurts!" _I whined.

"_Yeah, I know honey." _The voice said softly. _"You bumped your head pretty hard when you were getting into Edward's car." _

Then it all came rushing back to me. The car, the soup, the wine. I cringed as I replayed the whole scene from beginning to end in slow motion in my head.

Surely, Edward would by now have realised that I was a total nut job and I felt a little queasy at the thought I would probably never see him again.

"_Yeah, that sounds like something I would do." _I responded wearily.

"_You cut your head pretty bad. Thirteen stitches it took to close that gash up. You've been unconscious for the past seven hours." _

Instinctively, I moved my hand up to where the pain in my head was emanating but all I could feel was the coarseness of a bandage. "_So, I guess I'm in the hospital?" _I replied croakily answering the question asked a few minutes earlier.

I sat there staring at the array of lights above me not daring to move my head when slowly my line of sight was interrupted by the slow emergence of a face hovering above me.

Alice!

I tried to give her a smile but even that hurt and I felt my face grimace in response.

"_You look like a bulldog chewing a wasp." _She chuckled.

"_Is Edward here? " _I asked gingerly as Alice began to try to rearrange my pillows.

_Yeah, he's been here all night." _She announced. "_He's been…We've both been really worried." _I could hear the emotion in her voice. "_Do you want me to go get him? He's just sat outside." _

"_No! " _I shouted a little too quickly and loudly making me wince in pain.

There was no way that he'd wait all night and not want to see me and really what difference would it make if he told me now that he'd made a mistake?

You've been through worse and survived.

I might as well get his over with.

"_Shit, do I look okay?"_

"_Do you want the truth? " _

"_No." _I replied.

"_Okay then, you look stunning in fact I've never seen you looking as beautiful as you do right now." _She sang playfully.

Of course, I knew she was lying like a cheap watch but I didn't care.

"_Here." _She said handing me a compact.

I opened it up and holy frigging shit I nearly jumped off the bed in fright at the sight of me all exaggerated and bug eyed.

"_It's magnified, use the mirror opposite," _Alice instructed matter of factly.

I flipped the compact around and inspected my face.

It wasn't as bad as I thought.

All of my make up had been removed and I was looking a little pale but then I was always on the pale side.

The only sign that I had hurt myself was the thick white bandage, which was wrapped tightly around my head.

I'd seen worse.

"_Thanks Alice." _I said handing her back the compact. "_Help me up will you? " _

Alice leaned over me and gripping me under the arms, she pulled me gently while I pushed myself upwards grunting a little with effort.

I was just getting settled when Edward's face appeared around the door frame smiling sheepishly.

"_I heard voices so guessed you were awake," _He said entering the room and making his way over to my bed.

"_Um, Hi Edward," _I mumbled.

He stood in silence at the foot of the bed eyes flitting from my face to the bandage on my head as I purposely avoided eye contact and chewed on my bottom lip nervously.

We sat there for a few moments before Alice grabbed her bag and stood up. _"I' need to run home and get Bella some clothes and freshen up. Edward, do you mind keeping Bella company? " _

"_Sure." _He replied smoothly. _"See you in a few."_

She gave me a quick glance, which I think, was meant to be reassuring and then she open the door and disappeared.

Thanks Alice.

If the guy was going to dump my sorry ass before the first date, it was for the best that I didn't have an audience.

She'd come back later and help me dry the tears and wipe my snotty nose.

Edward stood for a few more awkward moments before sitting down on the edge of the bed.

This didn't look promising.

"_Bella…" _He began but I didn't want him to finish what he was just about to say because I was sure that no good would come of it.

"_Edward, I'm so sorry." _I blurted out.

I dipped my head trying to avoid his gaze concentrating instead on the mint green hospital gown I hadn't realised I was wearing until now.

"_What have you got to be sorry for?" _He asked softly.

"_This!" _I said pointing at my head. _"Everything."_

"_That was an accident." _He said resolutely.

"_Yeah I know but…look I'm just sorry okay. If you want to leave then go. I'll understand. " _

"_I told Alice that I'd stay. _

"_I'll be fine." _

"_I don't want to go," _He said making my heart flutter uncontrollably and I was getting a little light-headed and I don't think it was because I may have concussion.

"_I mean you're not obligated …" _

Just the fuck up shut Bella!

If the man insists on stopping with you in your hour of need who are you to stop him.

"_I'm staying." _He said adamantly.

I turned my head slowly and recognised the look of determination etched across the face of an angel.

His face.

"_Okay" _

I didn't put up much of a fight but how could I possibly argue with resolve when it looked like that!

"_I think that we should start over. There was no park, no phone call, no knocking yourself out. I like you, you like me. I want to get to know you better." _He paused momentarily before asking," So_ what do you think?"_

I was dumbstruck.

Way to go Bella.

You just sit there staring at him like the idiot you are.

Say something.

But all I can think of is one of my favourite songs on my 'feeling good' play list on my iPod.

'_Holy cow I love your eyes_

_And only now, I see the light_

_Lying with you half awake_ (or with concussion)

_Stumbling over what to say_

_Well any way it's looking a beautiful day'_

Say something.

"_I think that sounds cool!"_

His eyes sparkled intensely and if he hadn't spoken, again I swear I could have just sat there for days staring into them.

But he did speak again.

"_Good. So, in the interest of getting to know each other better, I think you need to tell me what your aversion to Volvo's is all about." _


	10. Realisation!

**A/N **It's not that I'm not grateful to all 3 of my loyal reviewers but there are quite a few people who are adding this story to their favourites and not reviewing. So without sounding desperate please read and review.

**Only Fools Fall In Love **

**Chapter X**

**Realisation **

**EPOV**

Fuck me!

This evening was not turning out as I had imagined one little bit.

My expectations were not overly unrealistic. I'd assumed I'd pick Bella up, she would be sober, and we'd go to dinner, make interesting conversation and perhaps share a kiss or two. Then, I'd drop her home after arranging to see her tomorrow.

Instead, I'd learnt that Bella shared her home with a strange little pixie who had a twisted sense of humour, which was neither funny nor clever. I'd discovered that Bella was a drunk who had poor table manners, did not like my choice in cars and she was now lying unconscious in a heap on the floor with a four-inch gash across her head, which was bleeding profusely.

Could my night be any worse?

"_Alice!" _I shouted as loudly as I could.

No response

"_Alice!" _

Still no response.

Oh well, desperate times call for desperate measures.

"_Alice, you fucking irritating imp get your ass out here now." _I screamed.

I watched as the porch light flickered and Alice appear at the door and then I watched mesmerised as the porch lights on the neighbouring homes illuminated the street one by one.

Fucking great!

Just what I need an audience.

"_What the fuck have you done to her?" _Alice screeched running towards where I sat.

"_Me? I didn't touch her." _I replied my tone full of indignation.

"_Do you have a problem little lady?" _I glanced up to see a bald middle aged guy with a beer gut stood over me one eye focused down the barrel of a shot gun the other glaring down at me.

Shit!

And here I was thinking that my night couldn't get any worse.

I looked pleadingly at Alice who had now joined me on the floor. _"I swear I didn't touch her. She banged her head as she was getting into the car." _

Just then, Bella stirred.

Thank fuck!

She opened her eyes for a brief second and then closed them._ "Shit! I'm blind," _she screamed unexpectedly, frightening me so much I nearly fell backwards on to the asphalt.

"_Give me that! " _Alice demanded pointing at the bald chap with the shotgun.

Frigging hell!

She was going to shoot me herself.

I was just about to object in the strongest way possible when I noticed fat guy pull out a handkerchief from his pants pocket.

Alice snatched it from his chubby little hand and attempted to stem the flow of blood, which was still seeping slowly from Bella's head.

Bella flinched as she continued to dab the wound. _"Stop fucking fidgeting Bella."_

"_I'm fucking blind!" _She screamed again frantically. I could hear the panic in her voice and it tore into my heart and all I knew was that I needed to make this okay.

She looked so vulnerable.

I bent down to tell her everything was going to be okay. I wanted to soothe her with my voice, tell her to breathe, not to panic. It was then that I noticed that her eyelids were caked in blood. "_Frigging hell Alice, wipe the blood from her eyes. She can't fucking see." _

Alice took the handkerchief and softly wiped the Bella's eyes. I leaned in again and whispered softly in to her ear so not to alarm her, "_open your eyes Bella." _

She did as she was told opening her eyes slowly and I swore to myself there and then that I would never leave her. It didn't matter that she was cuckoo, it didn't matter that she was a drunk or had a penchant for pixies. It just didn't matter.

"_Edward, I'm cured," _she sobbed before passing out again.

"_Alice, we need to call 911 now." _I instructed.

She snatched Bella's purse from the sidewalk and rummaged through pulling out a cell phone. I didn't see her dial the numbers or hear the conversation, which must have ensued because I was too busy looking at the angel cradled in my arms.

Five minutes later, and my thoughts were disrupted by the arrival of an ambulance. I can't really remember what happened next but there was a flurry of activity and the next thing I recall was that my arms were empty.

I think that's when it hit me.

Realisation.

It wasn't the gravity of the accident or the sight of Bella unconscious on the floor or being strapped to a gurney and driven off at high speed that filled me with dread and apprehension.

I knew instinctively that she would be okay.

Although, I acknowledged, it may be feasible that I was suffering from a little shock.

It wasn't even because in the past few minutes I'd realised for the second time in as many days that I was in love with Bella Swan although that was certainly something that filled me with trepidation but only in a good way.

That was just fear of the unknown.

No, it was none of those things.

It was the realisation that Fork's answer to the Terminator with a beer gut still had his shotgun aimed directly at me.

I addressed him as earnestly as I could muster. "_I would never hurt her."_ Rambo just eyed me suspiciously and readjusted his aim.

Shit, this was going to be bad.

Very bad.

"_You love her? " _A small voice chimed beside me. I'd forgotten about the pixie assuming that she had gone with Bella.

"_I think it's a little early to say." _I lied but it was true I did love her it just felt a little premature to say aloud… in front of an audience.

She eyed me knowingly. _"Yeah, you love her." _Before turning to Robocop whose finger was now twitching against the trigger. _"Thanks for your help but I think I've got this under control. "_

What the hell?

This woman was freaking me out again and now it would appear that she was some kind of frigging mind reader!

"_Come on we have to go." _Alice urged_. "I'll drive. You look as if you're in shock."_

Usually no one but no one drove my car but for someone so small this woman was demanding and she was right, I was feeling a little fragile.

I threw her the keys to the Volvo and slipped into the passenger seat and a few moments later, she climbed in beside me throwing her purse, which she must have retrieved, from the house over her shoulder into the backseat.

My earlier analysis of Alice being a woman of few words was extremely inaccurate because no sooner had she put the car into drive and pulled off the sidewalk the talking began.

Non-stop!

She just would not shut up.

There was a lot of mundane chat about Bella and her clumsiness which any other time would have been mildly amusing. This was interlaced with some nonsense about interior design and fashion, basically just random crap that wasn't really important.

I didn't want to be rude so I nodded in all the appropriate places but I wasn't really listening. I was too busy thinking about Bella and wishing that one of us had gone in the ambulance with her just in case she woke up alone.

"_So, you love her then?" _It wasn't really a question more of a statement but it grabbed my attention.

I turned to face her noticing that she had repositioned the driver's seat so that she could reach the pedals. _"How can you love someone you don't know?" I _bowed my head and began to play with the cup holder flipping it up and down. The conversation should have felt awkward but somehow it didn't.

"_You know enough." _She said.

"_I know she likes Debussy and Jane Austin. " _I smiled as I thought back to that day when I met her in park for the very first time.

Alice just smirked and raised her eyebrows.

What was that about?

"_Why the smirk?" _I asked intrigued.

"_What smirk? " _

"_Just now." _I reminded her.

"_I find you amusing." _

Sure you do!

So, why do I get the distinct impression that there was something else going on here that I wasn't party to.

I just couldn't quite put my finger on it.

But that smirk…

_Alice, does Bella really like Debussy? _

There was a moments silence as if Alice was deliberating whether to answer my question or not.

"_No!" _

Of course not!

"_Jane Austin? " _

"_Again, no, although she may have been telling you the truth about Dr Seuss. " _

I knew it!

How I knew it was a mystery was indeed a mystery but nonetheless I knew that things didn't add up.

"_So, why would she say those things? " _

"_To impress you of course!" _

I sat there, a little bewildered, so many things were whirling in my head yet I couldn't find nothing to say.

I suppose in a warped sort of a way, I was flattered that she felt that needed to go to those sorts of lengths to impress me. I also speculated how she knew what would impress me?

For the second time tonight, I decided that none of that mattered now.

"_Edward, please don't break her heart." _

"_I won't. " _I said emphatically and I meant it.

"_Good because I hate to have to kill you." _

And I knew she meant what she was saying too!


	11. Suck, Bang, Squeeze and Blow

**Only Fools Fall In Love **

**Chapter XI **

**Suck, Bang, Squeeze and Blow**

**BPOV**

I've been home from the hospital for two days now and thankfully, the outbreak of people who had taken pity on me had died down. Neighbours I didn't even know I had were popping in to wish me a speedy recovery almost constantly.

At one point, there was an actual queue of people in the hallway (who according to Alice) were all waiting to gawp at the girl who knocked herself out. I preferred to think that they were all waiting to see me to pay their respect. So much so, that yesterday, I came over all Don Corleone from the Godfather, shoved cotton wool in to my mouth and in my best Marlon Brando voice told Mrs Fitzpatrick from across the street that _'I will make you an offer you can't _refuse' much to Alice's amusement. Of course, I was referring to the apple pie she was bearing but to be honest I think the humour was lost on her.

Whoosh!

Straight over her head.

Anyway, I'd come to the assumption that Forks sure was a hospitable place to live.

Edward had been an almost constant visitor during my convalescence much to my surprise. We had spent hours talking and I felt I had got to know him a little better as he regaled me with tales of school, college, his work, parents…

Don't get me wrong, it wasn't as if he'd just sat there and droned on about himself continuously. Well, he did, but not in an egotistical way. I just wasn't very forthcoming. He'd asked me question to try to encourage conversation but I managed to dodge most of them feigning a headache or tiredness.

Its not that I didn't want to speak to him. It was just that since our first meeting every interaction I'd had with him resulted with me saying or doing something ridiculous. I suppose I was little self-conscious.

It wasn't all bad though. I loved listening to his voice and of course, it meant that I'd had lots of time to just look at him.

Not from a distance or fleetingly.

I mean really look at him!

He was not unattractive. In fact, he's…oh, God…he's stunning. Scarily handsome. His bronze hair, piercing green eyes and a body that would make anyone go weak at the knees: tall and toned, broad-shouldered, with just the right amount of muscle.

Much to my surprise, I had also rediscovered my libido, which up until this week, I had presumed, had packed its bags and left for foreign shores. Dirty little thoughts kept popping into my mind without warning and sometimes without justification. I was like a horny teenager all over again and I liked it.

I was distracted from one of these very thoughts when I heard a car pull up outside. Alice dashed to the window and eased the blinds a fraction so that she could get an unobstructed view. "_Edward's here! " _She hissed eyeing me questionably as I sat on the sofa, swung my legs up and lolled back.

"_What are you doing?" _She gasped as if it wasn't obvious. "_You're not even dressed! " _She said eyeing my pyjamas and frowning in disgust.

"_I'm chilling." _

"_Why?" _

"_Because I don't want him to think that I got up at five this morning waiting for him to come." _

Obviously!

"_But you were up a five this morning waiting for him to come." _She replied glibly.

"_Yeah, but I don't want him to know that do I?" _

Before she had the chance to question me further, there was a swift rat-a-tat on the door, which was my cue to edge myself down further on the sofa. Alice continued to stare apparently hypnotized by my attire.

"_Alice, Door!" _I hissed gesturing with my hands that she go and answer it. She stood silently for a few more moments before rolling her eyes and then abruptly left the room.

A minute later Alice entered the room. _"She's in here. I'm afraid she hasn't been up long. "_ And that's why Alice is my very best friend, I thought.

Through hooded lids, I watched Edward slowly make himself comfortable on the armchair opposite. "_Oh Edward! " _I said feigning surprise. "_I wasn't expecting you so soon." _Alice shook her head in disbelief.

"_How's the head?" _Edward asked.

"_Fine." _I said shyly feeling the blush radiating on my cheeks as the events of two evenings back wash over me, I suddenly felt sick.

"_That's good." _He responded, _"Because I was wondering if you would like to do something today?" _

"_Okay." _I managed to croak. _"I'll just go and get dressed." _I pulled myself up from the sofa and made my way to my bedroom. I dressed as quickly as I could but it still takes me fifteen minutes to put on a pair of jeans.

Returning to the living room, Edward is still sitting in the armchair. I know that I need to say something. Well, if we were going to spend the whole day together, outside of the house, I needed to get some of the formalities out of the way. _"Thank you for helping me out, you know the other night." _I said.

"_It's the least I could do", _he replied.

I look down at my hands and pick off a loose sliver of nail polish. _"I'm sorry, Edward," _I said almost whispering.

"_Don't worry about it!" _

But I am worried.

Worried about what he thinks.

"_I feel awful; you know….about the other night. I don't usually drink and I've never knocked myself out before…on a date." _I continue, "_I mean I have been on dates before… and I have knocked myself out but never at the same time." _

Yeah! Because that makes everything sound so much better.

Edward sat there looking at me blankly. He didn't reply and really, I should have left it there but because I don't know when to shut up, I carried on.

"_I'll understand if you want to um…go home and…"_

"_Bella," _he interrupts, _"if I didn't want to be here, then I wouldn't have come." _

I feel a wave of contentment wash over me. _"Thank you." _I mumble.

"_I just won't be taking you out drunk again," _he continued and I dropped my head in shame. _"At least not before sending you out to buy a crash helmet first."_

I looked up and he gave me one of those wide smiles and a wink, and I swear it made my heart pound so loudly I'm almost certain he could hear it.

"_So, do you want some breakfast?" _He asked and I got the feeling that he did so to change the subject.

"_Sure," _I reply," _let me fix you something." _I grabbed his hand and led him into the kitchen.

"_I was thought that we could grab some breakfast at…"_

"_Nonsense!" _I told him enthusiastically cutting him off mid sentence. "_Just take a seat." _I instructed indicating with a nod of my head that he should sit down at the table. _"Okay, what do you like?" _I asked.

"_An omelette will be fine." _

My heart sank. I was hoping that he'd say a bowl of Cheerio's. _"How about cereal?" _I ask hopefully.

"_Sure," _he replied sounding a little disappointed.

I grab the cereal packet off the counter and then I stopped myself. What am I thinking? This is an ideal opportunity to score some much-needed brownie points especially after recent events. Of course, he can have an omelette. I am the grand master of omelettes. _"Okay," _I reply cheerfully, _"seeing as it's you, omelettes it is_."

I have visions of Edward tucking into the my home cooked omelette viewing me like some sort of domestic goddess, prepared to rustle up a culinary delight at the drop of a hat.

I headed for the refrigerator to seek out the required ingredients for this dish: a couple of nice fresh eggs, butter and milk.

Then I opened the fridge.

The only things inside which were edible is a lone tomato and last nights leftover pizza. There were no eggs, there was no butter and there was certainly no milk.

Should I offer him the pizza?

Pizza for breakfast?

Erm, I think not.

I span back round shutting the refrigerator door behind me and gave Edward one of my award winning smiles. _"You know, I'm feeling a little stir crazy after being cooped up in the house for so long. Do you think we could go out for breakfast?" _

Without waiting for a response, I grabbed my jacket and was on my way out of the door. Edward followed looking slightly perplexed.

I stepped out into the sunlight onto the sidewalk and just like that, all thoughts of breakfast were instantly gone as I came face to face with the Volvo.

Shit!

I hadn't realised that my aversion to the stupid sliver car had manifested.

The Volvo was now my nemesis.

Not only did my theory play a part in my aversion to Volvo drivers but also my irrationality was now being fed by the fact that the car had floored me.

Literally!

I must have visibly grimaced and of course, Edward noticed. "_You don't like Volvos do you? " _

""_Erm…" _

What the bleeding hell was I supposed to say.

I'm sure that Edward would just love to hear about my theory about Volvo drivers.

Yeah, he's bound to want to hear all about how I can judge a man by the type of car he drives and that Volvo man was someone who should be avoided at all costs.

And of course, he wouldn't be offended in the slightest.

Not!

So, I lied. _"I don't dislike Volvos."_

"_Good!" _He stated opening the car door for me.

Shit!

He was expecting me to get in.

It was me versus the Volvo, round two and I wasn't sure who was going to win.

Now do I go for the traditional method of getting into the car or do I do adapt my technique?

Traditional method or adaptation?

I opted for the adaptation.

So, craning my head backwards slightly and allowing my back to arch in the same direction, I managed to slither into the car afflicting no pain or damage to either machine or myself.

Edward began to chuckle. _"I've never seen anyone limbo their way into a car before." _He said and I began to feel the familiar heat wash over my cheeks.

Limbo!

I thought I'd managed to carry out that manoeuvre with a great deal of grace and finesse. I gave him a weak smile and pulled at the seatbelt. I wasn't even going to dignify that statement with a response. I would have liked to have given him a witty one liner but my brain didn't work that fast and by the time I realised this, Edward had shut the car door, walked round the car and was taking his place in the driving seat and the moment had passed.

"_So, do you drive?" _He enquired gently as he turned the key in the ignition.

"_Um yeah" _I responded. _"I had a 1969 __Camaro Coupe __for a while when I lived in New York but I sold it."_ I continued. Well heck! If we were going to talk automobiles then I was willing to chat because if there was one thing I knew a lot about it was cars! _"I'm saving for a new ride."_

He glanced over at me with a mixture of shock and bewilderment on his face. He seemed to be having some difficulty forming his words. _"That's some car!" _

"_Yeah, I loved her. She was my baby." I _explained, trying hard not to sound emotional. "_It took me nearly a year and all my spare time rebuilding her." _

"_You rebuilt her?" _Edward questioned.

"_Um yeah." _I confirmed. _"She was just a shell when I got her."_

"_You rebuilt her? " _Edward asked again.

"_Yeah, I rebuilt her from the ground up." _I replied.

Edward sat there for a while in silence. _"You never fail to surprise me Bella." _He eventually said a smile playing on the corner of his mouth.

"_Oh!" _I wasn't sure whether this was meant as a compliment or not. _"Cars are a passion of mine," _I continued nervously. _"That's why I do what I do."_

Edward eyes left the road for a second as he turned to look at me. _"What is it that you do Bella?" _

"_I'm a mechanic" _I replied matter of factly.

Edward didn't respond straight away because he was too busy choking on air and it took him a few moments to compose himself. _"Like I said," _he eventually managed to stutter, _"You never fail to surprise me." _He gave me an encouraging smile. _"I don't mean to sound rude, but you never struck me as someone who would know about the internal workings of a combustion engine."_

"_The internal workings of a combustion engine! " _I repeated. "_Oh, it's easy. It's just a case of suck, bang, squeeze and blow." _

"_What….what did you just say?" _Edward gasped.

"_A combustion engine, it's just a case of suck, bang, squeeze and blow."_

Whoops!

Having said that twice, I realised I sounded like a porno star from one of those badly acted, lewd, adult films full of suggestive words.

It was badly dubbed porn!

I bit my bottom lip nervously. _"Obviously, the working of a combustion engine is far more complicated than that. I can explain it if you'd like?"_

Edward licked his lips and once again turned to look at me. _"Let's not ruin the moment!" _

I felt the car come to an abrupt standstill and I noticed immediately that we were not at the diner; in fact, we were nowhere near. I turned toward Edward who was already looking at me with a very peculiar look on his face. Without breaking his gaze, he unbuckled his seat belt and leaned in so much so that I could feel his breath on my face. _"Do you know what I'm thinking?" _He asked his voice low and deep.

"_Erm, no." _I answered truthfully. _"I'm not telepathetic" _

He took a sharp breath inward, a small smile played on the corner of his mouth and then he shook his head slightly. _"I was thinking about how much I would like to kiss you." _

Frigging hell!

Edward Cullen wanted to kiss me.

Holy cow!

I wanted to kiss Edward Cullen.

Shit!

We were going to kiss.

I leant in slowly closing the distance until I was a couple of inches or so away from his face and then everything came together just right as his lips touched mine, softly at first and then a little harder and I swear in that moment birds sang, the planets aligned, champagne corks popped and fireworks lit up the sky all at the same time.

It was fucking fantastically perfect and I never wanted this moment to end.


End file.
